Confession #2

fear, fellowship, God, god's will, irrational, My First Blog, new job, past hurts, timing

Last night in Bible Study we were discussing how past hurts could hinder our current lives. How, even though we think we’ve forgiven or forgotten, that past traumas can come back to haunt us without us even realizing it. They can even effect how we live our current lives.

During the discussion I pointed out my most recent fear. It’s a big one and a big confession that many of my small readership is not even aware of: I am starting a new job on Monday. The last time I started a new job – 10 years ago – my fiance at the time had left me the day before. Broken off our engagement, stopped the wedding plans (which were 45 days away), and moved out of our apartment. Needless to say, it was the biggest shock and trauma of my life.

Now, faced with starting a new job again I have the irrational fear that my husband of three years will leave me once I start it. I know it’s irrational. I know it’s INSANITY. He is the most completely different and opposite from my last fiance and I am completely different too. But there it is. Lurking. Threatening to make me simply NOT make the change just so I can avoid the completely irrational thing. Craziness.

Yet, we all go through these things. We had many folks share last night about similar fears. Fears of snow and ice due to an accident years ago. Fears of death due to untimely occurrences not related. It made me feel good and safe. It made me feel like I was in the arms of God – surrounded by His love and the love of others who understood.

I almost didn’t take the job due to my fear. (And other fears) It would have, I KNOW, not been in step with God’s will if I hadn’t kept going. This is what God wants for me and I truly believe this may be the thing that really helps me with some of these old fears. To finally put some of them to rest. I pray that it is. And I pray that you will not let your fears keep you from what God wants for you today. Shine a light on it and bring it to Him. He will help you with it.


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