Where Did the Creativity Go?

adulthood, change, childhood, choices, choosing, dreams, employment, expectations, faith, fulfillment, hope, jobs, journey, joy, love, My First Blog

Remember when you were a kid–what did you want to be? Is that who you are now? I know I’m not. And I’ve begun exploring that more and more lately. I’m not talking just about what job you wanted to hold or where you wanted to live – what did you want to BE?

I bet some of you never thought you’d just want to be employed. We had dreams of being doctors, lawyers, pilots, firemen and fashion moguls… not insurance agents, factory workers and retail clerks. Many of my friends struggle with jobs and cannot find the one that just seems to help pay all their bills and have some money leftover at the end of the month much less a glamorous one like fashion mogul! But we never considered that as children did we? It seemed like jobs were just given out!

As women we never considered that we might not find a mate. We had long, detailed lists of what our future mate should possess because, we reasoned, we could be picky because there were so many men to choose from! We just thought everyone was married and everyone had met their spouses when they were young, got married had 2.5 children, lived in a house with a picket fence….yada, yada, yada. Most people I know did not get that dream. Many women struggle with infertility. Some women, like myself, don’t find their soul mate until later in life (some even later than I did).

But I’m talking more about our ideals. I wanted to be creative, and to be outgoing, have lots of friends, travel the world and have cool, chic parties every weekend. I would dress in the most fashionable clothes and have money to spare. The ideal life. I always pictured myself smiling.


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That’s not always the case today. Yes, I have a LOT to be thankful for indeed. My husband is the most special and caring person I could have ever hoped for in a mate (even if he didn’t fit the physical aspects I had always envisioned!) We are often very happy in our lives together. I have some very close friends whom I adore. And I even have a few pretty fashionable outfits (see above!), but along the way… I love that SPARK. When we’re kids we have the world at our fingertips – we can accomplish anything. Over time the world that we had in our grasp starts to choke us back and we lose grip, and hope. Our spark starts to fade. Our dreams and ideals start to lessen… and we begin to settle just to get by.

SO. Here is my current dilemma: when did I choose to just go about my life blindly instead of CHOOSING what I wanted to do? Why do I have to give up hopes and dreams just to pay the bills?

I DON’T. And I resolve to get it all back and STILL pay the bills (and not just using my husband’s paycheck!)

I know a few people who have quit their jobs and focused on their dreams. Usually to a modicum of success. I envy them and I wonder: how can I do it too? They seem so happy. How can I accomplish that? How I can live my dreams?

This is all part of my journey. I may not quit my job tomorrow, but maybe someday I can. Maybe someday I fill my days with only things that make me happy and fill me with joy, hope and FULFILLMENT.

I want to encourage others too. I think this is the ideal time to get back our dreams. There has never been more opportunity out there to buck the whole 9-5 system (Although some folks LIKE their 9-5 … I’m not saying they are bad things. They can be very rewarding as well – I’m saying don’t just have one to have one – enjoy what you do!) and create jobs we want and be who we want to be in order to change not only our lives, but the lives of others.

So here I go. Stay tuned.

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