Today I’m supposed to blog about my three worst traits. I think maybe someone else should write this about me because I think I’m pretty awesome….
Not. In fact, I could probably write about a gazillion things here that are my worst traits, but I have to narrow it down to three I guess.
1) I bite/pick my fingers. Have done it for years, can’t seem to stop doing it, and I don’t really know why. My Mom, my husband, my last boyfriend all tried to get me to stop to no avail. In fact, I have been known to pick or bite my fingers (not the nails – they are way too precious) without even being AWARE of it. No joke. My husband has taken my hand and given me that “Really?!” look to which I have said “What?” and then he explains how I had been picking a finger. I would argue with him except now it’s bleeding so there is proof. I tend to do it when I am stressed about something. Duh.
2) I overthink MANY things. You see, I have low self-esteem and I tend to overthink things people say or do. “Why did she say that?”, “What did he mean by this?”, “What if I misinterpreted what they meant?” As days wear on and on, I keep mulling it over in my head until it becomes the size of Mt. Fuji and I lose it. Unless it gets resolved I can mull something over for MONTHS. Here is a good example: recently we were invited to a function that my boss is a major player in. They always have a theme for these events – this year was “collegiate”. Now these folks are kind of “ritzy” people and it was held at a local country club. We interpreted the theme to mean we could wear college-themed gear. So we stepped out in Nebraska Huskers t-shirt and jersey with jeans. (Go Big Red!) Now…. Imagine showing up at this ritzy country club in jeans and jerseys like we’re hitting up the Cornhusker game on Sunday. (I mean we didn’t do any crazy facepaint or anything…) Then I see all the people arriving in khakis and polos and button downs. Not a single other jersey did I see. I froze. I wouldn’t get out of the car. John implored me to “own it” and just have fun. We sat there for fifteen minutes with him looking at me like I had lost it. Finally we went in. And there were PLENTY of other jerseys and t-shirts. (Mostly Penn State – from whom we we did get hounded about the NE gear… but …) So if I hadn’t gone in I would have missed out on a fun night… as it was we missed out on some appetizers due to my fear.
3) I care too much. John says this is one of my worst traits. It goes along with #2 above, but it’s more than that. I care what people think. I care about how I look (I will NOT go out without makeup on. I have started hitting up the gym on Saturday mornings without it, but that’s pretty much IT.) I care about my job too much. I care about other people too much (to the point of judging – also a bad trait.) I just care about EVERYTHING and how it affects EVERYTHING. I overanalyze as a result. I worry, fret, consider, mull over and re think every decision. It’s ridiculous. I hold my tongue when I want to speak up just because I never want to offend anyone (I know a few people who would disagree with this – if you think I speak up too much now you should hear what goes on in my head that doesn’t come out!) As I’ve said in previous posts – my Grandmother was NEVER this way. She spoke her mind, in love, and never cared about what others thought. I admire women like that. I can’t do it.
So there you go. There are a ton more, but I’m only supposed to give 3. I’m hoping by reading this more people will see that I am a flawed person and maybe give me a little slack once in awhile. I don’t think folks in my life really know the real me – maybe this blog and what I divulge here will help. I’m working on these things – I’m striving to be more of the kind of person God wants me to be. It’s not easy. I encourage everyone reading this to give someone slack today and to do a little self-examination as well.