Finally, FINALLY I was scheduled last week for an MRI which would (hopefully) provide THE answers to my year-long hip issues. I patiently got through the test (as my last post attests) and I began to patiently wait for the results.
Then life happened. Again.
I had also been waiting for my wedding ring to be fixed. The first time the customer service folks weren’t so great so we took our broken ring home and re-thought our plan. We took it to another location and the customer service was awesome, but when we picked it up last week the diamond they reset was crooked. So we handed it back and requested they try again.
My patience began to wane.
And then the sore throat started. I fought it. I even saw my doctor. He claimed it was nothing, but it continued. I got plenty of rest throughout the week, but I couldn’t shake it. I couldn’t swallow and I began to have sinus blockage and major migraine headaches.
We had a nice weekend, spent time at the races and some time with our friends and their daughter at Knoebels (which turned out to be hotter and busier than we expected – much to the 4 year old’s distaste too.) By the time we got home Sunday evening – I was wiped.
As another migraine started, I broke down. I couldn’t do it anymore. My hip hurt, my ring was gone, and I couldn’t breathe or swallow. I was just trying to live my life – to fight back against the pain, ignore it – but I was sinking. Like a rock.
I laid in our bed and couldn’t breathe. My sinuses had overtaken me. As I struggled for my breath and fought for a position where my hip wouldn’t protest, I finally just gave up.
I asked John: “Where is God’s love and compassion for me right now?” I just wanted to be healthy. I couldn’t see myself continuing down this very dark path.
I wallowed in my hopelessness and I cried out to God for Him to show me mercy, love, compassion… anything. I would take one day without pain. O N E D A Y.
That didn’t happen.
Monday at work was INSANE. The busiest I have ever been at work. It was crazy. I didn’t even have time to think or catch my, now non-existent, breath.
Then Tuesday night I slammed my finger in a door. “REALLY?!?” I screamed. “REALLY!!?!?!?” It was too much. Even the easiest things were becoming hard, stressful – I couldn’t function. It all compounded and rested on my shoulders. The proverbial dark cloud loomed.
Then things started to turn:
We had a prayer session at my home Wednesday night where several close friends prayed for and comforted me. One woman prayed thanking God that John and I were so faithful to Him. Did she know I was standing on the edge? Did she perceive that, in actuality, my faith was slipping? It hit me hard while she prayed. God knew. He was showing me. He was listening.
People offered to go with me to my MRI results appointment. I was teetering on the precipice, but I declined. I started to feel strength again from their prayers and I knew I could do it on my own.
People took time from their lives to share in my fears – and pray against them. They consoled me, gave advice, and offered support. Someone I met once – and only briefly – told me she had asked God what she could do and that she was “standing in the gap for me.”
I’ve had 5, count them, FIVE close calls in my car in the last 3 days. I’m not joking. Almost rear-ended someone several times, almost got side swiped by someone, almost got ran off the road – numerous, within an inch, close calls. But I remained alert and avoided them – I have no idea how because my mind was totally elsewhere each time.
Then Thursday, yesterday, the culmination: my MRI results (tendonitis – a path I can now move in to avoid and repair), found out I had lost weight, got my ring back (I feel like a married woman again), felt better than I had in weeks (my sinuses are finally clearing), FELT prayer of all the people who were praying for me. Felt it.
And the weather changed. Fresh, Spring-like air came down on our lives. And I could feel the fresh air hit my soul and brighten my focus too.
I had a direction, a focus, a HOPE again.
We all go through these times. Some of us handle it better than others. And there are those that help those of us who – don’t handle it well – handle it.
I thank all of you that helped me this week. I wasn’t dealing well. You helped. God helped.
Let’s move forward.