My husband and I have always communicated well. We talk about everything and anything. Sometimes we feel like we share the same brain. But there is a lot of unspoken communication that goes along with that.
Last night at our prayer meeting in church, as we prayed, my husband and I held hands. Half way through my husband started to get fidgety. It happens quite often and most of us do it. We get into the prayer, but our mind begins to wander. I could tell his was because his other hand started picking at the table. Not only was it obvious his own mind was wandering – his picking was distracting me. I gave the other hand I was holding one short squeeze. He instantly knew what I meant and he refocused. While holding hands walking down the street, we’ll often squeeze the other’s hand to indicate that we need to let go – maybe to scratch our noses, or to adjust sunglasses. John has done the hand squeeze thing with me too – it works both ways to communicate.
Recently we were at a party with a lot of people. I started to run down and get a bit tired from all the activity. Catching my gaze from across the room, John lifted his eyebrows and I gave a slight nod of my head. Within minutes we were out the door and on our way home. He knew I was tired and ready to go with a nod of my head.
While sitting on the couch I typically stretch my legs out over John’s. When he needs to get up he gives my legs a little “pat pat” to indicate he wants up. Sometimes I play the “I didn’t understand you” game, or make him “use his words,” but I know what it means.
I often have neck and back pain and ask John to massage the kinks out for me. After years of doing this, he knows which spots to attack and which ones to avoid. But I want him to readjust to a certain area I need only tap my finger on the area and he obliges. No words are spoken – just gestures. “Tap” = massage here.
During one of the first times we ever went out we both reached for each other with our “shaking” hands (the hands you use to introduce yourself to some one.) We thought it was funny and shook hands “introducing” ourselves to one another. “Juan Pablo,” he’d say. “Regina Vanhuferhausen,” I’d say. Then we broke down in laughter. Occasionally we still accidentally grab those hands and shake hands as if just meeting. Sometimes we add the funny names and sometimes not – depending on what’s around us.
There are a lot of little ways couples communicate with one another. It’s not always spoken. I’ve noticed that as our relationship grows and the years go by that our actual conversation language sometimes plays a smaller role than our non-conversational language. We are beginning to know one another so well, that we don’t need words anymore.
What about you and your significant other – or maybe even a best friend? Do you have “secret” ways of communicating?