Many of you know that I write this blog to try to find a bit of happiness in my life. I’ve struggled with negative behavior and low self-esteem throughout my entire life, but I’ve worked hard to overcome these habits and to look for the joy and happiness in even the toughest situations. (In no way do I try to “force happy” however – if you’re sad and going through a particularly awful time – it’s OKAY to be sad, downcast and depressed for a time.)
Over the last few days I’ve been working hard at both of my businesses. The writing and editing are going much smoother than my Simply Said business, but I’m working hard at each (as equally as I can.) Simply Said came into my life because I love the products and I wanted especially to push myself into territory that I knew was difficult for me: sales.
Now that I am a few months into it I have not found it that much easier and I’ve begun to doubt my abilities and skills. I’ve reached out to mentors and people who’ve been doing this for awhile and have gotten terrific encouragement.
But yesterday, I just kept getting beat up.
I tried to reach out to a few contacts. None of them replied.
I tried to order a design (finally) for a customer, only to find out we couldn’t do it.
Even my attempts at writing failed yesterday. It just wasn’t happening.
Then – in the midst of people I felt were some of the most encouraging in my life, I got beat up again. I was dragged down by a simple conversation about something I had innocently done wrong. It hit me with the force of a thousand smacks to the head.
For the other individual I’m sure it was just something they were trying to “help” me with, but to me I had failed again. (For about the hundredth time that day.)
This is the curse of the negative person. The low self-esteem individual. Sometimes, and for the most part, I’ve been able to shrug off these things. Take them in stride, see where the “correction”/opinion is coming from, try to learn from them as they are intended (hopefully)… but yesterday… I had already had enough beating. My facade fell and my anger rose. (Please note: this person did not use a lot of love in their berating so I’m not taking FULL responsibility here…)(ALSO the curse of the negative.)
I’m angry at myself again: 1) for being a negative person and 2) for letting this person get to me.
Today has also been less than productive and it’s due, in part, to me not being able to let go of yesterday. After so many years of working so hard at overcoming this type of behavior – I’m mad.
So. Here is my blog. I’ve written it out without (hopefully) offending anyone and now (hopefully) I can move past it. I’m closing my laptop for a few hours. Going to spend some time with the Lord and out of the house and I pray that I can breathe in a bit of the spring and sunshine that is outside today so that I can move past this moment and continue on my journey to joy.
How about you? What (or Who) has let you down lately? Have you held onto it and need to let it go? Do it now. Find a way to let it go. Don’t let anyone steal your joy and happiness. Resolve right this minute that you are going to be happy. Smile. Do it. (I’m doing it as I write this – don’t want to be a hypocrite!) Take a deep breath. Hug your dog or spouse. Get a chocolate. I like who I am. Do you like who you are?
Remind yourself that it’s OKAY to be happy and it’s OKAY that you are who you are. I’m moving on today. Leaving that crappy day behind me.
How about you? Are you with me?