It’s almost Christmas. Can you believe it? I can’t. I’m prepared – the tree is up, other decorations adorn various places in the house, and most of my presents are wrapped. But I don’t feel ready. I even baked some of my grandmother’s sugar cookies and listened to old Country music Christmas tunes while I did it – typically GUARANTEED to put me in the Christmas spirit.
Nope. It served to make me miss my grandma a whole bunch but I got a batch of really good cookies out of it.
Maybe it’s the lack of snow.
No, I doubt it since I don’t like snow really. Although we’ve had this freakish weather this whole last week that was just foggy day after foggy day. Like something out of a Stephen King novel (and that didn’t end well from what I remember). Maybe snow would be a welcome change at this point.
(Okay – I was going to put an image from Stephen King’s “The Mist,” but I forgot how scary it was. You’re welcome.)
To be honest, it IS too warm. It doesn’t seem like December. How could Christmas possibly be only 14 days away!? Even though I’m ready… I’m not. So what is it?
Well, let’s look back on that cookie baking incident. I miss my grandparents. Like, REALLY miss them during the holidays. To me, Christmas just doesn’t seem to be Christmas without them. Every other year my maternal grandmother would come to lunch and the other years my paternal grandparents would come. I loved sitting on my grandfather’s lap, smelling his cigar smoked clothes and making him smile. Grandpa would always have a beer. My grandmother Florence would bustle around the kitchen making Mom crazy, stirring this and that, commenting on how that wasn’t how she’d make it. Dad would have a beer. Grandma and I would always do the dishes together, giving Mom a break. (Now John and I do this.)
I wonder now – what would they think of me, of my home, my husband. Would Grandma complain about my food. I can see Grandpa playing with my puppy – he loved dogs like me. They would sit together on the couch and nap. It would be so cozy and I would be so happy watching them enjoy another year with us.
But they’re gone and it’s not that way anymore. I think this is why I just can’t do Christmas. My traditions seem to all be gone along with them. We still have a meal, but it’s quieter. We still sit around and chat some, but there is no one else coming to visit to break up the day.
I guess I need new traditions, but I’m unsure who to start them. Maybe you all could give me some suggestions? Feel free to comment below. And if you’re missing a loved one this year know this: you’re not alone. But let’s create some new memories…are you with me?