Entering A New Era

“I’ll need to study tonight,” my husband informed me today.

I thought, “And so it begins.”

The hubs is getting his doctorate. We can’t pass up the opportunity, his employer is helping pay for it. I’m on board one hundred percent, but it all just got very real. We sat down tonight to discuss what the next several years of our life will look like. We agreed that he’ll need to study about five nights a week for several hours a night (maybe a bit more or less depending on the classes. He hasn’t technically started yet so this is mostly conjecture.) Holidays, board meetings (for his employer), and special exceptions may apply, but, for the most part, I’m on my own now in the evenings.

We agreed that Sundays were off limits to schooling (unless absolutely needed). That’s now “our” time – actually about two to three hours of it, not the full day. Between church, which takes up most of Sunday morning, church duties (he’s the financial secretary) and church board meetings and choir… we only get the afternoon time slot for each other. I guess I’ll take what I can get. (The rest is, apparently, the Lord’s.)

I’m not good at being alone really. I got married for a reason – to not be alone. (Well, I loved the big goof, too…) So I say…”now what?” Welp. Blogging, apparently, for one thing. It seemed like a good time to put down my thoughts. Maybe I’ll even get more written on my works in progress. (Maybe I’ll even make my year end goal for publishing!)

I put out a “I’m free for shenanigans” type request on Facebook and several friends have already said, “We can do this!” So I’m grateful for that (and I hope they meant it because I’m totally taking them up on it!) Perhaps it’ll even free me to explore more of who I am in the process. Take an art class, visit friends, make new friends, take up running… okay, not that last one. I know I’m not that person.

But still it’s hard not to be worried. I’ve been warned by other “doctorate widows” about the perils: 1) Lack of together time; 2) Sudden outbursts of anxiety, anger and depression (probably none caused by me); 3) missing my husband. My prone to depression side says, “The marriage is over!” while my supportive wife side says, “He’s going to do great!” and my inner single girl yells, “WOOT! Drinks with the girls!” (hint, hint girls…)

I’m so thankful, though, that my husband sat aside time tonight to say, “Let’s figure this out” instead of just saying, “See ya in three years!” He shows me he is thinking about us and about our upcoming time apart. His education and career are important, but we are too. I’m glad he sees that. Because, in the end, that’s what will keep us together.

So as he and I both embark on this new era in our lives … who’s up for drinks?

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About suefair48

Writer, Editor, Blogger, Christian - in the pursuit of joy and God's timing through life's simple snippets.
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2 Responses to Entering A New Era

  1. Belinda Stefl says:

    Sue,
    i like your blog i have been an alone wife due to my husbands job for many, many years. i have found that with this time available i have found some cool and interesting projects to do and even boards to serve on as well. My husband has been shipped across the world for his work where communication was even difficult. I would not see him for months at times. i often think about wives of men serving in the military. I feel so sad for those wives or signifiant others as I know what it is like to be home alone and my husband cannot even get home to be there to sleep in our home overnight. I think more and more there are those of us who husbands and not only working on their doctorate but need to do this to be gainfully employer or serve our country .So here are a few priorities we have always tried to keep. Vacations are so important and we always try to take our time off together even if it means working out things with our employers. we also use email to communicate about decisions to be made i.e., tax time, large purchases and other decisions so our time together is spent socializing not hammering out decisions. So I enjoyed your blog as it really hit home with me. thanks Sue

    • suemidd48 says:

      Thanks for your comment. You bring up many good points about military wives/husbands and I pray I didn’t offend anyone. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind during this time though. Thanks.

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