Monday is upon us again and I can’t tell you how happy I am. Normally, Mondays are cruel and unrelenting, but that was my entire last week so I’m happy for this Monday to arrive. After putting down my beloved pup last Tuesday, I spent the rest of the week in a sort of comatose kind of stupor. I got some work done, but only in between bouts of sobbing and grief.
Now, as Monday rises fresh before me, I’m praying the grief will lessen. Although, I’ll have to pick up Max’s ashes this week…that won’t be easy. I’ll be glad to have him back with me though and look forward to talking to the box on a daily basis.
Yes, I might be a bit demented at this point, but if you’ve ever had a pet and lost it, you probably know what I mean. The day after I put him down, I crawled into his smelly bed and cried for fifteen minutes. And I have his favorite toy – a Captain Jack Sparrow stuffed toy I once got him from a McDonald’s Happy Meal (what can I say? He got his love of Johnny Depp from me.) – on my nightstand. I give it a little snuggle every night before I go to sleep. I am not too proud for anything at this point.
I spend most days now thinking about letting Max out or needing to feed him only to discover that he isn’t here at all. It’s been quite lonely. I never dreamed when I quit my office job to work from home that his death would come this soon. Now I have nothing to talk to during the day and nothing to snuggle when I need a work break.
When Max was diagnosed with Lymphoma I started writing down my thoughts. It’s up to almost 10,000 words now and I think it might make a good book. Maybe I can help someone else through the grief with it…if I can help myself through mine. Last week I wrote the last bits and pieces of Max’s life. It was some of the hardest stuff I’d ever had to write. The pain was made so fresh all over again and I had to stop.
So, today, as a new week looms before us, I pray that we can all take one step forward away from the grief that holds us back. May each of us find joy in even one small thing today. And may God bless us as we move forward.